I don’t want to accept it. Not then, not now… Certainly, never.
It’s not pride that kept me from welcoming the idea. It’s not really fear, I guess.
But the minute I admit that it did happened, that I was through it, everything becomes real.
In the end, I’ll be the victim I never thought I was.
Whenever I close my eyes, I could see you smile, hear your voice while singing your last song… I wish I can paint the sky with you…
But who am I kidding? These are all memories… You should be nothing but mere memories that I’ve been clinging on for years. I wanted you back, I badly need you here with me…
And yet I can’t. I never will. Coz you’re way over my reach. I can’t go where you are right now.
I am still a mortal, waiting for the end of the line. You’ve already reached yours… And I’m missing you right now… I’ve been wanting to see you again.
Please visit me in my dreams.
I’ve dreamed of someone who would be my knight. In this dream, a lot of things happened… Things that confused me… Things I normally wouldn’t go after.
He was real, taking the form of someone I’ve seen before. And yet, the words… the conversations… It’s as if he’s just taking someone else’s familiar face just to let me realize something.
He said I need to take things as they are, never expect, never long for something else. He came as a surprise. The feelings I felt when I was with him was the exact opposite of how I thought I felt about him.
And I wanted to see him, to feel him again. With him, there’s this warmth that I’ve never felt with the current one, nor with the others…
Do I need to go and look out for him? Or do I need to wait for him? The same way he came to me in my dreams?
It’s my birth month… And I’m not sure how this month would end. Some things didn’t go as planned. Though there’s Plan Bs, it still s*cks not being able to have it my way…
So, I consulted the tarot… to guide me. Here’s what I got:
You feel that the disruption and sweeping change you are going through, or fear you are about to go through, will be catastrophic. You need to recognise that such upheaval can force new directions that you never dreamed possible. Subconsciously you may have wanted change, but as is often the case, the solution isn’t always as we expect. There could be problems relating to your property, or if considering a new property or move, progress will be thwarted.
The cards suggest that what you most want at this time is to have it all, why should you have to give something or someone up? Perhaps you feel a victim and that events are not going as planned. Trust that this is a passage from one phase of your life to another. If you are not sure what or who you need to give up, trust that what will be will be, and will ultimately be to your benefit.
There could be agreements or legal affairs that concern you and you certainly don’t want to lose – you feel quite strongly that you are in the right. Stay calm and level headed and seek sound counsel if you need to.
You are about to enter a period of peace and harmony in your relationship, career or life generally. You will find a way of handling difficult circumstances with calm confidence. Life is flowing at this time enjoy it.
You may be over ambitious at this time, success may remain just out of your reach for a while. Are you being assertive and positive enough? Or are you using aggressive, bullying tactics to no avail? Do not mis-use your authority or if you have requested help from a strong, successful man don’t let him bully you – he either helps or leaves you to get on with things yourself.
Help is at hand. If you want wise counsel and moral guidance put your trust in someone you have a lot of respect for. Don’t allow others to influence you too much with what they want you to conform to, be true to yourself. When considering your options go with tried and tested traditional values, rather than the unconventional novel approach. For example marriage is more likely to be your desire than a living together situation.
I’ve lost a lot of things. Some, lost forever… Others, I just need to look for again.
These past few days, I’ve been busy reorganizing my life, checking the things I’ve done… and one-by-one eliminating them from my to-do list.
A few days ago, I got one thing back.
An old ring. A ring that was supposed to change my life way before… A ring that I’ve lost numerous times but kept on resurfacing.
I was glad I lost it. Coz keeping it would always be a reminder of what I lost…
But never get the courage to look for.
